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TUMBLR USERS I WOULD SUPER APPRECIATE SOME FEEDBACK

evenpicasso:

The context is the beginning to a sex-ed booklet designed, originally, for a GSA I co-founded for students of my old high school, where “sex-ed” was only a well-intentioned, but very gender-biased and criminally-brief side-note in a human biology class. The GSA members wanted to…
(Sorry, no read mores on a link, and this is getting too long to reblog in its entirety. So TW for discussion of consent, consent while drunk, disability, etc. below.)

The thing is, we can’t base a definition of consent on what is currently the norm. The fact that it is normalized behavior for people to have sex while drunk does not mean that that isn’t problematic. I will concede that “unambiguous” might be a better word to use than “enthusiastic” because I think it’s fair and accurate to say “If you’re fine with doing a thing, and you express a willingness to do it, that’s consent,” if you acknowledge some of the important caveats to that statement, which include the fact that a person should be in a fit mental state in order to give consent.

 I do believe, although I think it could be argued that even this is sketchy, that you can give valid consent to have sex while reasonably (but not bordering on black-out) drunk, if the conversation happens while everyone involved is sober; ie, still giving consent before the fact. I do also think that long-established sexual relationships have a better chance of developing reliable forms of non-verbal communication than strangers, as well as more personalized boundaries (up to a certain point), which is why I use the word “communicate” fairly consistently instead of “speak,” but that does not give people the right to forgo communication in some clear form altogether, nor does it give them the right to ignore the rules of consent that apply even to strangers: if you have a conversation about consent while a person involved is already drunk, a positive response is questionably valid at best, and as a caring, responsible, consent-valuing partner, one should be very uncomfortable with questionably-valid-at-best consent. I don’t think people in long-term relationships follow particularly different rules from strangers, at least with regard to mind-altering substances being involved in sex, and the fact that our society currently normalizes assuming consent from one’s long-term partner does not mean that we shouldn’t strive to be better. To bring it back to the original discussion, the definition I am drafting is not meant to be an observation, but a goal, and I’m fairly firm on keeping effective sobriety as a part of that definition. I’m more uncertain about the issue of how mental disability might play into that discussion, so I’m going to focus my energy on that for a while. Thank you again for your responses.

#mental disability #disability talk #consent talk #alcohol #sex ed project survey #that's the new tag for this discussion if you'd like to block it

TUMBLR USERS I WOULD SUPER APPRECIATE SOME FEEDBACK

the-real-seebs:

evenpicasso:

Ok, I posted earlier requesting some input on an all-inclusive definition of sexual consent, and I didn’t receive any feedback. I’m hoping that will be different this time around, because this definition is literally the foundation for this entire… well it’s basically shaping into a short book.

Here’s what I have so far:

Sexual Consent is an enthusiastic “yes” given on an ongoing basis by someone who would otherwise be completely able to say “no.” 

A person must be conscious, over the age of consent, sober, mentally autonomous and self-expressive, and unpressured* in order to give viable consent.

*apparently unpressured is not a word, so if anyone happens to have an alternative suggestion, please let me know, but that’s secondary to my main questions:

IN YOUR OPINION:

  1. Is the phrasing “mentally autonomous and self-expressive” clear enough?
  2. Does that phrasing clarify the need to respect that SOME mental disabilities prevent a person from being able to give consent?
  3. Does it do this without lumping all mental disabilities into one group or making a broad generalization about what ~”the mentally disabled”~ can and cannot do?

What exactly is the context? Is this intended to be legal advice? Moral advice?

I don’t like “self-expressive” at all, it’s incredibly broad. If I’d like to wear skirts even though I’m a guy, but I don’t feel comfortable doing so, does that mean I am “not self-expressive”? Many people would argue that it does. But not for your purposes, I imagine.

I don’t know that the qualifier “enthusiastic” is appropriate. If having sex sounds sorta fun but you would also be okay with reading your book, that isn’t “enthusiastic”, but I don’t think it invalidates consent.

"Unpressured" is arguably a word (English lets you toss prefixes onto things), but it’s probably not quite the right word. I would probably say "not coerced", but then, "coercion" is a word that people will understand very differently.

"The" age of consent is probably not a thing; there’s very complicated rules about consent which vary from one place to another, often very significantly. The same two people might be legally allowed to have sex in one state, and both become registered sex offenders if they do it in another state. To resolve that, you have to decide whether you’re talking about moral or legal consent.

I think you’d need to be very clear about exactly which disabilities you think prevent giving consent, because there’s a whole lot of disabled folks out there who have been told that their consent isn’t valid and that well-meaning people have declared that they can never have sex willingly because of Reasons. So basically, you’re gonna have a hard time making that qualifier work, because there are not only judgment calls there, but sincere disagreement among people who are acting in good faith.

And, as I’ve pointed out on other occasions: The “sober” qualifier is probably about right, but it can create problems. I don’t know anyone who’s been in a long-term (think 10+ years) sexual relationship, and who ever drinks, who hasn’t had what they consider to be consensual sex while drunk. As a general rule, I think, you need to be aware that context and history do figure in to how people understand their experiences and make decisions, and that there’s a lot of differences between when you are justified in thinking you have consent from someone you’ve been happily married to for a decade and when you are justified in thinking you have consent from someone who’s 18 and not sure exactly what the thing they’re about to consent to would be like.

Sorry to my followers for reblogging so many times, I’ll keep this one under a read more. TW for in-depth discussion of consent and arguably nonconsensual sexual situations, as well as continued discussion of mental disability and such, under the cut:

Read More

#mental disability #consent talk #disability talk TUMBLR USERS I WOULD SUPER APPRECIATE SOME FEEDBACK

autisticfandomthings:

evenpicasso:

nobody-knows-im-a-cuttlefish:

evenpicasso:

Ok, I posted earlier requesting some input on an all-inclusive definition of sexual consent, and I didn’t receive any feedback. I’m hoping that will be different this time around, because this definition is literally the foundation for this entire… well it’s basically shaping into a short book.

What does “mentally autonomous” mean? Is it a psychological concept? Philosophical? I’m getting nothing from Google.

Yeah, sorry, the phrasing was my own, and, as feared but expected, I guess it’s pretty confusing. What I said to another person who was kind enough to reblog, was:

I’m trying to get the point across that, in order to give consent, a person must be able to process and understand what a person is inviting them to do in a sexual context and make a decision about whether they want to participate in that*,

*(this is what I meant by “mentally autonomous”)

and then communicate their desires to their partner(s).**

**(The ability to do this is what I meant by “self-expressive”)

Since SOME mental disabilities can make that process either difficult or impossible for certain persons, I’m trying to acknowledge that this issue should be a point for consideration in discussions about consent, but I want to avoid turning to some of the more problematic and belittling language used in some of the definitions for consent that I have seen. My primary focus is getting this message across clearly, and my secondary focus is keeping in succinct so that it is easy to process and use in daily life. And I would be so very grateful for suggestions.

…..Does that clarify things? 

Thank you for the feedback!

I get what you’re saying, but I’m really not sure how that adds up to autonomy at all. I think it comes more under the “informed” part of consent. The person must have the capacity to understand what they are consenting to. If they don’t, then its not informed consent. I think putting it under that might be be better than having a separate bit about how some disabled people can’t consent.
And” able to indicate their consent” is probably clearer than inventing jargon like self expressive.

Thank you, that makes a lot of sense!

#consent talk #mental disability #ability talk #disability talk

Ok, this is later than expected, but here we go.

If, like me, you want to help out the people of Ferguson, but reading about and/or seeing photos or videos of the atrocities that are currently being visited upon the these people, makes you sick to your stomach (or, you know, if it’s a trigger for anxiety, depression, or anything else of that nature), then you can donate your time or money to the following causes and send some much-needed help that way without setting yourself down a dangerous road in the process:

1.) The Michael Brown Memorial Fund. They have already reached their original goal, but the fundraiser is still open. From the website: “How the funds will be spent? The funds collected here will be used by the Brown family to cover funeral and burial expenses, travel and living expenses of the parents as they seek justice for their son, Michael Brown, Jr.”

2) Write to your representatives and demand that they fight to end the militarization of the police. This page includes a ready-made message that you can send, automatically* (*as far as I can tell: it doesn’t clearly state who will receive the message), a letter demanding that outfitting police officers with military equipment be made illegal. There’s a plug for a bill coming soon that aims to do just that. Note the fine print at the bottom, which tells you you’ll be put on a mailing list if you submit, but from which you can supposedly unsubscribe. ALSO POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING for very emotional and descriptive language in the preface, describing the reasons for which this is necessary.

3) Bail and Legal Fund for Those Arrested During Ferguson Anti-Police Demonstrations. They also call for information about anyone you might know who has been arrested. TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE COMMENTS ONLY. There are apparently lots of awful, racist comments farther down, as well as blanket anti-police sentiment and very impassioned, angry language in response (not my trigger, but if it’s yours, be warned).

4) Feed the Students of Ferguson. Only two days left. They have reached their original goal already, but it is still open, and though it is not clearly stated, I would imagine that extra donations (which are already significant) will continue to support the food bank. Even if and when this current nightmare is over, there will still be plenty of families who will benefit from a well-stocked food bank. The fighting that is going on now will probably have a domino effect on the food situation in Ferguson in the near future as well as the present (I’m imagining people not being able to get to work safely, or being jailed for protesting, and subsequently not getting paid, etc.). Maybe to be extra careful a TRIGGER WARNING for brief, not-particularly-vivid discussion of child hunger in the description of the fund.

5) Honestly just check out this google doc. I found it halfway through writing this and it has all the same information, plus links (which I have not checked as thoroughly as the others, so click the following and donate at your own risk) for the Organization for Black Struggle, which puts organizers on the ground, Young Activists United St. Louis, who are also doing a lot of organizing in the area, and Beacon: Ferguson, Missouri, (fully funded now, as well, but more money=more coverage time) an organization of independent reporters trying to cover new developments more thoroughly (and hopefully with less racism than CNN) than mainstream news.

Please feel free to reblog with corrections and/or additional suggestions.

#Ferguson #depression mention #anxiety mention

Template for Preferred Name/Pronouns Letter to Teachers:

thespookyprofessor:

Dear Professor [name],

My name is [Preferred name], and I will be attending your course [blank] on [days] at [time] this [term]. I am transgender and have not yet legally changed my name. On your roster is my legal name, [Legal name]. I would greatly appreciate it if you refer to me as [Preferred name] and use [pronouns] when referring to me. Thank you for your understanding, and I look forward to starting your course next week.

Sincerely,

~[Preferred name]

#resources #transgender stuff TUMBLR USERS I WOULD SUPER APPRECIATE SOME FEEDBACK

nobody-knows-im-a-cuttlefish:

evenpicasso:

Ok, I posted earlier requesting some input on an all-inclusive definition of sexual consent, and I didn’t receive any feedback. I’m hoping that will be different this time around, because this definition is literally the foundation for this entire… well it’s basically shaping into a short book.

What does “mentally autonomous” mean? Is it a psychological concept? Philosophical? I’m getting nothing from Google.

Yeah, sorry, the phrasing was my own, and, as feared but expected, I guess it’s pretty confusing. What I said to another person who was kind enough to reblog, was:

I’m trying to get the point across that, in order to give consent, a person must be able to process and understand what a person is inviting them to do in a sexual context and make a decision about whether they want to participate in that*,

*(this is what I meant by “mentally autonomous”)

and then communicate their desires to their partner(s).**

**(The ability to do this is what I meant by “self-expressive”)

Since SOME mental disabilities can make that process either difficult or impossible for certain persons, I’m trying to acknowledge that this issue should be a point for consideration in discussions about consent, but I want to avoid turning to some of the more problematic and belittling language used in some of the definitions for consent that I have seen. My primary focus is getting this message across clearly, and my secondary focus is keeping in succinct so that it is easy to process and use in daily life. And I would be so very grateful for suggestions.

…..Does that clarify things? 

Thank you for the feedback!

#mental disability #ability talk #disability talk #consent talk TUMBLR USERS I WOULD SUPER APPRECIATE SOME FEEDBACK

wishiwould:

nonesane:

evenpicasso:

Ok, I posted earlier requesting some input on an all-inclusive definition of sexual consent, and I didn’t receive any feedback. I’m hoping that will be different this time around, because this definition is literally the foundation for this entire… well it’s…

My only crit on an English grad standpoint is that “mentally autonomous and self-expressive,” while correct, is probably not transparent enough for the average reader… what about “mentally independent and self-expressive,” “mentally free to be independent and self expressive,” “mentally independent, free and self-expressive” or some other combination of those words? (since “free to work independently / be independent” is basically the definition of autonomy). On the other hand, “autonomous” is much more succinct so maybe it’s better after all lol

But I think it PERFECTLY expresses exactly those three points (at least from my view as someone without mental disability).you brought up.

Meanwhile, “not pressured” is a pretty good catch-all. I don’t like the “threat or coercion” cause people could easily dismiss the social or emotional pressure. If you want to say “not physically, mentally or emotionally pressured or threatened” that’s once again pretty wordy but gets everything! Up to you on how concise you want to be. Obvy succinctness is not my strong point lol

Does this primarily address consent to sex or consent to any physical interaction? To conversation etc as well?

Thank you so much for the suggestions! Thank you, also, for the feedback on “unpressured,” I was nervous about that as well. And I am concerned with any form of physical/sexual/sensual contact, definitely not any one narrow and exclusionary definition of “sex.”

Does anyone have feedback on these alternative phrases? 

#ability talk #disability talk #consent talk #mental disability TUMBLR USERS I WOULD SUPER APPRECIATE SOME FEEDBACK

autisticfandomthings:

nonesane:

evenpicasso:

Ok, I posted earlier requesting some input on an all-inclusive definition of sexual consent, and I didn’t receive any feedback. I’m hoping that will be different this time around, because this definition is literally the foundation for this entire… well it’s…

I don’t think the whole “mentally autonomous and self expressive” thing is good or clear at all. For one thing, you haven’t actually given any sort of a definition of “mentally autonomous”.
And yeah, you need to be really careful with the idea that some disabled adults can’t consent to sex.

Whoa, awesome, I’ve gotten several responses on this today, this is great.

Thank you so much for the feedback! I super appreciate it. And being “really careful with the idea that some disabled adults can’t consent to sex” is absolutely my goal and I take it very seriously, hence my reaching out to more qualified people for input.

Do you have a suggestion for alternative phrasing, by chance? I’m trying to get the point across that, in order to give consent, a person must be able to process and understand what a person is inviting them to do in a sexual context and make a decision about whether they want to participate in that, and then communicate their desires to their partner(s). Since SOME mental disabilities can make that process either difficult or impossible for certain persons, I’m trying to acknowledge that this issue should be a point for consideration in discussions about consent, but I want to avoid turning to some of the more problematic and belittling language used in some of the definitions for consent that I have seen. My primary focus is getting this message across clearly, and my secondary focus is keeping in succinct so that it is easy to process and use in daily life. And I would be so very grateful for suggestions. Feel free to think about it and drop me an ask if you have an idea!

#ability talk #disability talk #mental disability #consent talk #personal #negative #mental illness talk #school

tinyhoofies:

"going to buy new jewelry because this is what im working with" looks

#!!! #attractive people #eye contact #not really sure how to tag for scopophobia #anyone??
brylow:

how the bi-bros get fit quick

brylow:

how the bi-bros get fit quick

#bi #bisexual #gif #epilepsy warning

Remember that time Dollhouse tried to convince us that Miracle Laurie was “homely” and “unattractive” because she was “heavy”?

Like, of all the fantasy, sci-fi questionable premises that show hinged on, THIS one was the flimsiest.

#Miracle Laurie #attractive people #most of the pictures I can find are actually more recent #and she's lost some weight so the point doesn't really come across #I mean she's still gorgeous obviously but #those pics aren't relevant to this rant #weight talk #weight loss mention in tags #blood #gun
#attractive people #piercings

Sorry I have been pretty absent lately, guys. Between being ridiculously busy and outright avoiding tumblr for mental health reasons, I have not been the best blogger of late.

The biggest thing for me (and for many many others, obviously) is everything that’s happening in Ferguson right now. I simultaneously cannot handle the play-by-plays, the uncertainty, the anger, pain, and violence, and want to help and reach out in some positive way. Which is a struggle I think a lot of people are facing. I think what I need to do is add a whole bunch of tags to my tumblr savior, and then independently try to find some way of contributing to the efforts of people in Ferguson that will help while still allowing me to keep a tad bit of emotional distance, because I can’t fall apart right now at this juncture in my life, and it wouldn’t help anyone if I did.

So, here’s my request for mutual follows: Can you please consider tagging for the following?

Ferguson

police violence

police brutality

(let’s just be honest with ourselves here) police

injuries

gore

death

I would very much appreciate it.

And in return, once I’ve done some research, I’ll make a post noting any good outreach programs I’ve found in the sort of anxiety-conscientious format I, and I assume many others, need right now.

Thanks,

~Bri

#personal #Ferguson #request for tags

bisexualsteve:

albus severus potter, you were named after two of my most problematic faves

Three problematic faves, if you think about it. Let’s not forget James Potter Sr. being a bit of a douche.

#HP